I look like a prisoner of war

Loosing my hair has been painful. Painful emotionally and physically. I had it cut short right before chemo started, as I mentioned in a previous post. After the second chemo cycle the hair started to fall out. In tufts, in showers, all over and in everything. Taking a shower was gross because it washed all over my face and body. My scalp hurt. I believe it is swollen from the inflammation of the hair follicles dying, and it is painful. Last night I couldn't stand the itching and rubbing so I used my husband's clipper with a 1/8 inch guide and buzzed my hair off. I do not have a completely naked scalp - you can still see hair in blotches - but it's mostly gone. It looks terrible but feels much better. I hope the rest falls out before any of it tries to grow back.

I had IV fluids again yesterday since I am still struggling with dehydration. I can eat (almost) enough but I can't eat and drink enough. I can get the fluids through my port but eating has to happen to old fashioned way - through the mouth. That's the option I choose. Never before have I had to work so hard to not loose weight! I know that lots of people, including me in the past, have wished for such a dilemma, but it is hard work. Milkshakes, candy, cookies, whipped cream are all on my approved food list right now. Very weird.

I blocked my Juneberry shawl over the weekend and I love it. Being alpaca it didn't block all that much bigger than it started out, but the lace really shows well.

I am having trouble with concentration due to "chemo brain" so I am trying to severely limit my work and fun projects so that I can finish things and get some feeling of accomplishment. I am knitting exclusively on a new hat for myself (my head is cold) and the sleeve of Bob's sweater.  I will not knit on anything else until one of those is finished. The hat is the Mandeselva pattern and I am using some lovely targhee handspun yarn in green and purple to knit it. It's not much to look at now but it's getting there. Once I have one full pattern repeat (height) I will post a photo.

My uncle sends us a basket or pot every year with amaryllis bulbs in it. This year we have a different type of flower, possibly a double blossom one. The first flower popped but the stem fell overnight and broke. So we put the stem in a vase with water and Wow! What lovely blossoms opened up. That one stem has 3 flowers on it and I was actually able to watch 2 of them open! They just started suddenly and slowly to open and I happened to be sitting nearby and noticed. Awesome!

I have 2 more cycles of the nasty chemo meds to go, then I switch  to what people tell me is a much easier drug to handle. At least the dehydration should not be a problem since the severe nausea is not a side effect of that drug. There are other problems that can arise but I will worry about that later.

It's freezing here today (15 degrees when I got up at 8 am) and pretty windy. Take care, those of you who have to be outside.